Tax Pledge Cretin Will Join, Deeply Misconstrue Burning Man​

Churlish hamster Grover Norquist nearly brought the U.S. to the brink of default three years ago, pressuring legislators with his "Taxpayer Protection Pledge" into a debt ceiling battle that was both dangerous and inane. This year, Norquist plans to attend Burning Man, which he sees as a stateless capitalist Utopia. » 8/01/14 5:42pm Yesterday 5:42pm

CBS Grills Jesse Ventura For Winning $1.8 Mil From Jerk's $6 Mil Widow

CBS This Morning—a place Charlie Rose exists outside the dark void of his own studio—can't seem to wrap its head around why a former Minnesota governor and patriotic veteran might want to sue for defamation over an insulting, fabricated story that appeared in a New York Times bestselling memoir. Well: » 7/31/14 2:34pm Thursday 2:34pm

Illegal Army of Nazi Veterans Remained Hidden, Influential for Decades

A buried 321-page file has emerged from German intelligence detailing the existence of a secret army in Germany, marshaled by former members of the Nazi Wehrmacht and Waffen-SS. West Germany's Chancellor turned a blind eye when he learned of the group—according to the file—as did the good shepherds of our very own CIA. » 7/31/14 11:09am Thursday 11:09am

You are in the unique niche of respectable people who have battled pay-through-the-nose mobile phone game addiction! (If the urge ever arises again, I recommend, from personal experience, getting an old Game Boy and playing Dr. Mario and Tetris on it. It is fun-stressful too. I promise.) » 7/30/14 4:40pm Wednesday 4:40pm

Putin Regime Offering 3.9 Million to Expose Tor's Anonymous Network​

Russia is hoping that 3.9 million roubles will be sufficient to produce a feasibility study on cracking Tor—a nonprofit service that reroutes internet traffic to anonymize user's IP addresses. Turns out: They could have saved over 3.7 million roubles just by switching to whatever these guys at Carnegie Mellon did! » 7/30/14 3:45pm Wednesday 3:45pm

Not to be me, but I want everyone to know that about 3-4 layers of aluminum foil is about all it takes to make a decent Faraday cage for a 4G iPhone. Other phones may be different; you can keep testing it until calls to the cell give a special operator message. Then you can just carry that much around with you, in… » 7/29/14 9:28pm Tuesday 9:28pm

Like an Evil Witch, CIA Tortured Prisoners in Polish Forest

Europe's Court of Human Rights has decreed that Poland must pay a ransom of 230,000 euros for allowing the CIA to practice the dark art of tradecraft in the forests near Stare Kiejkuty. Many believe that Romania and Lithuania will also pay for allowing the agency to establish "Black Sites" in their realms. » 7/29/14 1:01pm Tuesday 1:01pm

Apple Snuck Backdoor Surveillance Tools Into Their (i.e. Your) iOS

Innovation did not die with Steve Jobs. Apple has quietly installed data discovery software, including a file-relay tool that can bypass backup encryption, in around 600 million iPhones, iPads, and other devices running their latest iOS. You are correct to surmise that this has been a boon to law enforcement. » 7/25/14 9:30am 7/25/14 9:30am

Osama bin Laden Murdered JFK Jr., Reports Shiny, Stapled Pages at 7-11

Star, a tentacle of tabloid kraken American Media, Inc., has a special "Who Shot JFK Jr.!" issue out. (No question mark!) Their answer: "Muslim terror kingpin Osama bin Laden." Or the Mob. Also, LBJ killed JFK, they report. It is a breathless corroboration of the far Right's favorite JFK conspiracy phantasies. » 7/24/14 11:30am 7/24/14 11:30am