Millionaire "Alien Abductee" Wins World Chess Federation Presidency

In a 110-to-61 landslide, chess Grandmaster Garry Kasparov has lost his bid for the World Chess Federation presidency to a man who says that he was abducted by aliens. It's easily Kasparov's most embarrassing defeat in years, maybe since a scrappy little abacus named Deep Blue straight-up taught him how to play chess. » 8/22/14 4:45pm Yesterday 4:45pm

Putin's Celebrity Friendships​ Put His Heart in Grave Danger

Vladimir Putin is a man. He has budding friendships with famous actors Gérard Depardieu and Mickey Rourke—and a deep bond with action hero Steven Seagal. Seagal took to the stage at a pro-Russian concert in Crimea, not long ago. Rest assured, when sanctions fail, the West will hit Putin here, where it hurts most. » 8/21/14 4:03pm Thursday 4:03pm

Illuminati Sacrificed Robi​n Williams, Family Guy Repeat Proves

Terrible animated sitcom The Family Guy aired a rerun, centered around Robin Williams, just moments before the public learned of Williams' tragic suicide. Some of Earth's 7 billion sentient humans suspected this meant that he had been sacrificed by the elite deviants of the Bavarian Illuminati. » 8/20/14 4:33pm Wednesday 4:33pm

No Headline Can Prepare You for Infowars' Live Ferguson Coverage

Advanced conspiracy theoretician and herbal tincture entrepreneur Alex Jones has had two of his reporters and one cameraman live on the ground in Ferguson, Missouri since last week. The results—predictably insane, punctuated by long intervals of horrible sanity—defy easy categorization. "Difficult" is a start. » 8/19/14 5:00pm Tuesday 5:00pm

U.S. Intelligence Vets Criticize Obama for Peddling Weak MH17 Evidence

A real Justice League of veterans from the U.S. intelligence community (many of them famous whistleblowers you know and love) are imploring the Obama administration to either put up their best evidence proving that pro-Russian separatists shot down Malaysia Airlines flight 17—or shut up. We spoke to them. » 8/18/14 9:44am Monday 9:44am

State Police Used Tear Gas on Ferguson Protestors, Tried to Deny It

In an attempt to enforce last night's Governor Nixon-imposed curfew, the Missouri Highway Patrol fired tear gas into a crowd of protestors last night, then told reporters that they had only fired smoke bombs, backtracked, admitted that it was tear gas, and ultimately arrested seven protestors. Also, a guy was shot. » 8/17/14 9:30am 8/17/14 9:30am

Dr. Martens Named This Boot "Assange" After Some Guy in an Embassy

In a "high-octane speech" two years ago today, Ecuador granted Wikileaks demiurge Julian Assange political asylum, adding that he may stay in their London embassy for "two centuries." That would certainly be a long time, but haven't we each spent much longer trapped in the Ecuadorian Embassies of our own certitude? » 8/16/14 10:02am 8/16/14 10:02am

Masked Gang Lifts $10 Mil From Armored Truck in Chilean Airport Heist

Disguised as workers in a white van, a team of eight masked gunmen pulled off the largest heist in Chilean history without firing a single shot. The BBC reports that the money was on route to banks and mining operations in Copiapó, a rich silver and copper mining district in northern Chile. » 8/15/14 3:08pm 8/15/14 3:08pm

Will the Federal Reserve Still Be Evil With This Nice Woman In Charge?

For the first time in over fifty years, the Federal Reserve is now chaired by someone who speaks candidly, often, and with real concern about the plight of America's poor. Ron Paul has called her "very dangerous," unsurprisingly, but The New Yorker and The Guardian seem to like her. Who's correct? » 8/14/14 7:33pm 8/14/14 7:33pm